I have often wondered about my friend Eric. He is in fact such a riddle to me, that every time I speak to him I’m confident he’s unraveled life’s most ancient and mysterious design, discovering everything that entails “…the meaning of life.” I’m also confident that his reason for not telling me is simply because it slipped his mind that’s all! No doubt the next time we see each other he will eagerly share this enigma with me. He is insooth, a mystery to me. His disregard and humble modesty for his talent and genius I have often thought of as a byproduct of a personality disorder of which he has always possessed. In this sense then I would argue or agree with you that his environment, or his own family even, and childhood induced anxiety has caused him to see things slightly askew of everybody else. Some many of us term it as talent, genius, or creativity. Some even term it eccentricity which I’ve always smiled at often thinking this to be the highest of compliments one could pay someone without confessing their fear or misconception of what they deem unfathomable, and in all aspects unattainable. Unreachable in its rawest form, and more unreachable still in regards that person’s work, art, or life. Others like him look upon it as a burden or a curse of some sort that they wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy. Those without any of these idiosyncrasies simply see it as a symptom of neurosis foreshadowing further psychiatric and possibly pathological problems that are sure to soon appear. That’s always been the lee the indolent and vacant have had recourse to so as to easily pacify their spiritual, intellectual, and artistic torpor and vacancy. I see it differently, and I shall leave it up to you to judge should you choose to decipher for yourself whether his is a prodrome of abnormal behavior or plain humility. This I couldn’t tell you because I don’t know. I’m not there yet. What I can tell you is, those of us who are already afflicted with this could care less as we are therefore much too close to the trees to see the forest. In so much as I have striven my entire life to go beyond the forest to reach the promise land of The Overman, he has fought his inherent nature in search of something far greater. Searching his whole life for something greater than himself or life itself, if possible, and very unconcerned as to whether he will find it or not. Looking for it is his only addiction and concern, though he’ll tell you he’s rather uncertain to what it is he’s trying to find that some of us can only understand or frame in the crippling use of words or language. Searching, he has at times shared with me, for something incommunicable by words or deduced by thinking in spite of the possibility of never finding anything at all. Nevertheless still searching for something is he even beyond his Amor Fati. At times he’s confessed to being close to its primality. And at other times just as archaically distant from it. Other times he seems to have transcended the apparatus that links him to the allowance of this completely. So whither he goes hence I wanted to know.
In typical fashion, when I asked him to grant us an interview he of course changed the parameters of the idea by instructing me to send him the questions as opposed to seeing me and giving me a traditional interview. He proposed I send him the questions and he write his answers down wishing to work and polish his writing skills which he’s now been taking more of an interest in. Perhaps I should say that he is at a place in his life now where he wishes to write. That’s what inspires me about the man. Whether to further his love of something or to satiate his curiosity this is what I’ve always admired in my friend. Whether be it painting, writing, thinking, playing music, or building something, he is never content to just be. “Great idea” I answered, thinking I would at the very least get a fragmented mini treatise on the involute dynamics of madness, bliss, or your favorite, eccentricity. But how can I call him eccentric when in his mind it’s us that’s eccentric and genius. He would posit that only a genius could find a way to live in man’s world limited to impotent ideas and actions. Only a genius could discover a way to make sane this world to him that’s absolutely insane. I don’t disagree. I don’t disagree for one second thinking about all my friends who lost themselves in what everybody else terms Art and Creativity. Madness they say! Taking this into account I now give you his unemendated interview he sent back to me. What fascinates me the most about this man is his absolute unwillingness to filter anything he says or does based on the constraints or conventions of man’s own mind and matter. The constraints and limitations of man matter not. Neither does nothingness quantified in dimensions of time and space and beyond. Nor by ego, social convention, or a traditional set of values instilled in all of us at some time or another in our life. He lives by his own code and his own rules. He wants nothing to be different. Not forward, not backward, and not in all eternity.
Eric Gonzalez
It is defined that “Art”, “is a human creative skill or its application”. Also, “branches of creative activity concerned with the production of imaginative designs, sounds, or ideas”.
Why do we do this?
Is it a need to justify our own thoughts and perceptions through validation? Or simply understand our own thoughts and perceptions?
“Thought” “Process or power of thinking.”
“Create” “Bring into existence.”
“Imagine” “Form a mental image or concept of.”
I was asked to be interviewed, said “yes”, then declined and asked if I could write this article instead. They said “yes”, where I then thought about it.
I asked myself, do I really want to write this? What do I write about? What could be so important that other people might give a shit as to what I have to say?
Then I thought about it...
I thought, I have a chance to say something about something I know a little bit about...
I think about sitting in a lunchroom cafeteria with my Mom. Holding a comic book lunch pail. The thin metal ones, where the picture is embossed into the sides of the box, and super heroes are screen printed in bright superhero colors, with a huge thermos inside that’s large enough for me to piss in, and drink out of at the same time(half the inside of the lunch box).
Next memory. I’m sitting in a classroom. Looking to the right of me where an open window lets in the morning sun that is blaring yet beautiful to my eyes. I feel the warmth of the sun. The kind you see in movies where the rays spread out throughout the room. I look down. I see a large sheet of grayish yellow paper resting in front of me. I can feel the texture of the wood fibers pressed into the sheet as I rest my hands on it. Three crayons sit at the corner of my desk. I decide to draw Superman.
I win third place.
I remember thinking, that I didn’t WIN, but I did good enough to win something...an
acknowledgment maybe?
I remember looking at that picture as I drew it, and afterwards then trying to figure out how to make it closer to what I was actually picturing in my head. I found a quest. Something made me want to do it “right”, to do it better. I found a goal that just seemed natural. I didn’t think about it. My Mom told me I used to scribble on walls before I could walk. She would have to clean crayon scribbles off of the bottom of the walls. My father did art as well.
I am not famous for my art, nor do I make a living strictly off of art. So why should I write this?
I think because I have spent many years doing art. Drawing, painting, tattoo designs, indoor and outdoor murals, magazine illustrations, patent illustrations, leather jackets, helmets, art school, etc. Maybe that’s what makes me an artist. Not fame or money.
I did strive for the dollar for some time, though. I believe our society tends to validate ones success based on monetary gain. It is sad to me, that many people give up things they love in life for the sake of chasing a dollar. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of money in this world, but I don’t think I should have to put my guitar down, just because I’m not famous...
Interview
Having known you now for sometime and knowing your knowledge of the classical arts and various movements, where do you see art now in the 21st century and where it’s going?
“I think art in general, is ingrained into just about everything, but I think there is a general understanding that there is an importance to art. I guess it depends on how far you want to look into it, as to how profound it actually is. Artists, weather they be in music, dance, illustration, acting, etc., have a huge influence in and on our world. All the way from Fine Art, to cartooning, to text and design in my opinion. Just look around you. I’ll bet you’re holding a drink in your hand with an image or logo that had to be designed and/or illustrated by someone. You probably bought something to eat that had graphics and a picture on the wrapper. The computer you’re sitting at is full of graphics. Even the text on your keyboard, records, Cd’s, movies, magazines, posters is full of graphics in one form or another. Clothing... I’ll bet you could have 2 of the exact same t-shirts sitting next to each other. One has a logo that says “I break my own back”, or something cute like that, and you’ll pay twice as much for it, even though they have the same function. Look at how comic books have had an impact on Hollywood and the money that it’s made in that industry. Some guy drawing a picture of a guy in a colored costume beating up “bad guys” years ago, probably didn’t realize that he would help create jobs for actors, camera crews, set designers, make up artist, etc., years down the road. I think art is rooted everywhere, especially if you think about the drawings that have been found in caves... I think it’s wild to think that at some point in history, some living being raised their hand and painted an image, or engraved something on a cave wall that needed to be conveyed. I think in the last few decades, there has been a lot of “shock” in the arts, but I believe that to be some artists way of grabbing attention, but ultimately there is still a message or something to be thought of by the artist, and the viewer, intentional, or not.
“Where it is going, I don’t know, maybe the “too much information” age, in the sense that we are constantly bombarded by images, sounds, ideas, advertisements, statements, opinions, and products that pull us in every direction.
Describe your art and your style to me.
“I guess my art would be reflective of my influences. I grew up watching martial arts movies, war movies, reading comic books, seeing rock bands, punk bands and listening to music. I like to draw images with a lot of those subjects. I think I have a “cartoon” style only because it was easier for years to carry around a pen and pad, and draw when I could. I love working in airbrush, and realism. I am setting up to start working on canvas again. I began teaching myself computer graphics over the last few years, but I think, or hope, that I will continue to grow and learn as an artist. A lot of the time, I just have a lot of fun putting together these wacky stories that I have in my head down in an image.
What do you love about being an artist, and in spite of your enormous talent, even though you’re the most modest man I know, what responsibility do you owe yourself because of this talent?
I love having the opportunity to explore, so I can hopefully find something that is pertinent or profound. I think arts allow the artist and viewer the opportunity to think.
They allow him to love, hate, cry, or laugh. They have the power to make emotions come to life through another vehicle. They can become something out of thin air, or out of your heart, or your mind.
What goes into the craftsmanship of your work and how important is it to have such a well rounded art education in regards the history of art and the masters’ techniques?
I try to do my best at whatever I do, but I think there is always something to learn through study and observation. Bruce Lee studied all forms of fighting. Wrestling, fencing, etc., I think it can only help to see what works, and doesn’t work for others, at the same time trying to find what works best for the goal you are trying to achieve.
As an artist, how is being an artist for you a way of life as opposed to a “lifestyle”? If tomorrow came and you couldn’t work as an artist anymore would your lifestyle change or will it always be a way of life for you?
I guess the difference would be, that as a way of life, I am still here trying to make my way through life as an artist. Friends and family come and go, places you live, jobs, hairstyles, clothing, directions and goals change. Trying to get through the day with the things that a person needs to stay sane, and find fulfillment in life, and continue to get through this life, I guess, would be the difference between a way of life, and a lifestyle. If I couldn’t do art or music anymore, I think I would be lost for some time. I’m sure I’d be fine, eventually. But I’d have to figure out what to do instead of being up all night painting, or writing songs, or playing shows with my band.
Were you were given a scholarship to the Colorado Institute of Art in Denver out of high school? You mentioned the hardships of having come to a city without knowing anyone and without a place to stay or money in your pocket. Looking back how did this influence your art and was it worth it?
I did not get a scholarship. I went to school through loans and grants. I won tons of awards throughout my school years and sold paintings. I did have family help set me up with a place to start out. I worked, and went to school. Being by myself, I found myself having a chance to figure out who I was, but did get “lost” for some time. I think sometimes, you have to get lost to find yourself. There was a time, where I did basically become “homeless”, and found myself living in my friends storage shed, sleeping on an $8.00 roll of pressed foam for a bed. I “couched surfed” for sometime, and thank
God for the awesome friends and family I had who let me sleep on their floors and couches while I tried to figure out what the hell I was doing. Maybe, in hind site, it helped me appreciate the simpler things in life, and appreciate the things I do have. There were nights I would sleep down off of the Platte River, just to hear the water run its course. I guess, having had a chance to live life outside of the “norm” was totally worth it. I spent a lot of time wandering, thinking, reflecting, writing, and drawing. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, a lot of the songs that my band plays today are based off of writings from that time period. So I guess it had a huge influence for me.
You have a 16 year old son whom you are raising. Being a product of the streets with all of its dangers and dark side to it, what has having a son done for you and would you want your son to go through what you went through to some degree so as to gather a little experience.
You want people to learn and grow, but not suffer. I think anybody in their right mind, doesn’t want anybody to have to go through what they have. I think having kids can help “ground you”, or give you a direction to work towards. The weird thing about experience is that it teaches you lessons that you sometimes, may not want to learn. Hopefully you become stronger and wiser. But how do you tell someone you don’t want them to suffer, when lessons and experience in life helps you grow? If they don’t experience life, they may not grow. If they do, they may suffer...
Is your son also an artist?
Yes, but it’s not his primary focus and that’s all I have to say on that subject.
.
You speak highly of Denver as I know it now to be your home for the past twenty years. What can you tell me about the art scene in Denver? Is there one?
It’s pretty well established. There are tons of galleries, independent, underground, etc., artist, art districts, the Denver Art Museum, the Colorado Institute of Art. The Cherry Creek Arts festival is held here, where artists from all over the world come to sell their art. I’ve definitely seen it grow over the years as I have also seen peoples interest in art increase significantly or resurface in some cases.
As is the case with many extremely gifted and talented artists you also play bass and sing in the band you front. Do you find music comes to you as easily as your art does and how is making music different from making art?
I think it does, but as with anything, if you have an interest, you will continue to pursue it. Everybody has a starting point. If you have the drive, you will continue to work in that area and in turn continue to grow. All forms of art, to me, are a way of putting a puzzle together. The neat thing about music is that it’s like painting, or sculpting with sound. Painting and drawing is like sculpting with lines and color. It’s a language you can use to communicate with other people without saying a word.
Is it important for you to sell your art so as to validate or confirm your art and artistryt to yourself? If you never sold a piece or did any more work on garages or for firms would you still take the time you allow yourself to do it for yourself or are you perfectly okay with never doing art again. I guess what I’m trying to ask is, will there ever be a point that you get to where you’re satisfied with your talent and accomplishments?
At one time, I thought success meant selling my art. Now I do it for myself. There have been times in my life where I thought I was good and got to some “checkpoint” but then realized that I still didn’t know shit. I now look at art and music as a life long journey. I sort of hope I am never satisfied, so that I can continue to work.
How has the temperament and sensibilities of you being an artist either married or interfered with your personal life or personal relationships? Do you find that have this genius gets in the way of living at times?
It does both. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it hurts. But what can I do. It’s what defines me. It’s what makes me!
Who are some of your favorites artists and what have they passed down to you from their art or maybe their books as you and I both know many of them have written books in the past like Dali or Michelangelo?
I used to think Van Gogh was overrated, but now I understand him and his art. He rules. Rockwell is bad ass in a Utopian way. I remember being impressed by Andrew Wyeth. If you can look at any art outside of yourself, you can see that they have passed down their perspective.
Do you drink or use? And if you do, do you think that using or drinking has hurt you or impeded your success or do you think it’s inspired you?
I have in the past. I think drugs and alcohol can give people different perspectives on the world...having a different perspective on the world can be a good thing. It can help with insight and different ideas. I think that is why so many people turn to them. The problem is that it is such a fine line to walk, that so many people end up with disastrous consequences. I think if a person can learn to explore their mind, thoughts and feelings without the use of anything or any of these tools it’s a better way to go. So many people get sucked into addiction, that they destroy themselves without even knowing it...sometimes they even think that it’s true inspiration or creativity without knowing the difference from it being artificial sometimes…
One of the main reasons we wanted to interview you was that you are a self made man and this I know because I’ve known you for so long. You were homeless, hungry, and in the past I know life dealt you a tough hand. Being that you’re a man that inspires people just by your tenacity, would you do anything different and what can you tell anybody out there who’s dying to live but can’t because maybe they’re afraid to live or take a chance?
This is your chance... Don’t waste it.
Were you the typical pissed off angst ridden skateboarder as a kid that wore off the older you got or was there some underlying pain and hurt that you had to deal with and subsequently added to your amazing work?
Always had something there. Still do. Not sure what it is. Maybe frustration? Don’t know why nobody understands...
What was the thing you can remember on your way to becoming a man that stands out the most when you look back at your youth. I know you were a crazy son of bitch when we hung out. What happened in your life where you kind of just said to your self, “yeah, I get it!!!”
I remember everyone standing around looking at each other, waiting for someone else to take the first step.
What do you like or not like about words like love, nsaynity, understanding, bliss, madness, regret, redemption, forgiveness, abandon?
I think of all the possibilities. Image everything that is and can be possible while going insane, or being in love, or understanding and experiencing bliss or madness. Life is forgiveness, regret is madness, abandon is redemption. Imagine what it would be like for you to be so completely insane, or in love, or so full of regret, and see yourself while being that. What I mean is, if you go insane tomorrow, you wouldn’t know it, but image all the possibilities if you could comprehend what insanity is while being insane. It’s all relative meaning you can’t ever see yourself in the abstraction of love, abandon, redemption…but what if you could. Who would you be…who would you want to be. What would you do!
What’s your take on the world now in 2009 with an African American president, and the current state of affairs with all of the corporate greed and a culture that promotes vanity and narcissism as its core values? As we’re around the same age you have no doubt noticed the change or lack of morality, values, thought, and ethics in our present day society?
I am questioning whether or not there is corporate greed, or if that is just a scapegoat to a bigger picture... Vanity and narcissism saddens me. It is unfortunate that (I think) the majority of people who follow that path, can not see the “deeper” things in life, even when we think we do.
Where are you now in your life?
Truth is, I just went through some major changes in my life that I did not expect. It was the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced, but I’m happy. I’m still standing and have had time to reflect on the good and the bad of the whole experience. I guess I’m sort of soul searching again.
If you were on a journey that began at point A and ended at point z, how would you want to get there? Would you want to get there fast? Would you like to go from A to Z right away and as soon as possible? Or would you like to get there slowly, stopping at k, and l, and r, and w, along the way to soak it all in?
Sometimes we’re lucky to get stuck on certain "letters" or chapters of our lives, and can forget that it all can change at any minute. Sometimes we’re stuck on bad ones but things always change and there’s always a different "letter" or chapter to move on to. If you jumped to the end of the book, you’d miss the story.
How do you stay true to yourself and to your art through all this?
Keep searching for answers. It’s just that sometimes you have to remind yourself that there may not be any.
During the "Process, is judgment or that by which is “non judgmental” allowed?
Absolutely. Both. Sometimes combinations. Sometimes you feel. Sometimes you think. Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you struggle to get it exactly like you think it should be. Sometimes you don’t care. It’s a nice mix of different thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
Does that which is called “Perfection” exist in your world or your art?
In mine no. I always think something can be better, but realize, that sometimes that’s the best that can be done under the circumstances...
“How close are you?”
50%. I’ve had experience, but I am still working toward goals in my life. If I don’t “make it”, it doesn’t bother me because there is not some sort of position or status level I am trying to reach. I am just enjoying the experiences my life has presented.
After all is said and done, at the end of the day, is it just life or isn’t it? Or is there more to it for you?
I guess it just life. It’s what we make of what’s thrown at us within our own capabilities, but I can’t help but think that there is always a better way.
What do you think of critics in the arts and entertainment world?
I don’t know anything about them, I mean, I couldn’t name anybody specifically. But I guess due to the fact that there are critics, this could reinforce the opinion that The Arts do matter and have something to be seen or heard. It is also another example of how The Arts branch out into the world. I think sometimes when the word “entertainment” is used, the statement or thought or lesson that is being presented is sometimes downplayed, or can suggest that it should not be taken seriously or there is not a lesson to be learned, or it is simply something to keep you preoccupied for the time being. I realize that sometimes it is, but I think stories have been passed down from generation to generation for a reason. The fact that there are people who give their interpretation of these given subjects, at times, may be “guides” and help others gain a better understanding, and sometimes they may not get it at all. That’s why I was glad to hear of this new outlet for artists and just regular people. I think it’s important what you’re doing and everybody should be heard or able to show their works. Regardless of what it is. Just the fact that we get a chance is all that counts. That’s the problem today. Nobody gives anybody a shot anymore. The world would be a better place if we did. It would be a place for continual experimenting.
P.S.
I have a band ILL WILL in Denver where I have lived for twenty years. And it has a great music scene. I’ve had the chance to see and play with some of the best bands around. We just played non stop for almost the entire last year. Here are some of the places I hang out at, so if you’re ever in the area, look me up or check out some of our favorite places to play:
Bushwackers Saloon located at 1967 S. Broadway, Denver, CO.
Old Curtis Street Bar 2100 Curtis Street, Denver, CO.
Americas Bar and Grill 7545 E. Iliff Avenue, Denver, CO.
Larimer Lounge 2721 Larimer Street, Denver, CO.
Benders Tavern
Pt’s Club Inferno and a lot of other great places in Denver. Some of our favorite bands and people are: Workhorse, Kingdom of magic, Critter, Crash, Lola Black, Deer Creek, Goddamn, and Magnificent Bastard/ Mile High Gothic...Check us all out!!!
Look out for us on GONSAYN’S link called “What’s Hot In Your City” and “Check out my band.” You can also send us a message or here our songs on myspace…hope to hear from you…www.myspace.com/illwillco
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I am still here trying to make my way through life as an artist. 
