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Ashley

By Ashley
GoNsayn.com
(Archive)
Updated: 4/3/2010

Truth is you’re weak!

The road I refuse to travel...

If you happen to be that one person who I was told read my last story “Biting The Hand That Feeds You,” I was going to continue my rant to you about the piglets that chase their imaginary legends about them selves in that pig pen called Fame. I won’t lie to you though. Sometimes I worry that all my self righteous raving about Celebrity Sickness and its contagion might come across to you as a hidden and entirely unconscious desire on my part to become one of them. That you may deem me envious of their position therein discovering that I secretly loathe them because I’m not one of them. Yeah you’re right! This is obviously the aggression that surfaces due to the envy that brings my world crumbling down as I can’t face this reality. No! I don’t think so. Although it’s gracious of you to forgive my generalizations about everything as well as concern yourself with my mental health, the thought has crossed my mind that by me just reassuring you is probably not enough to convince you otherwise. So as to again reassure you that I’m not infected with that insidious and pernicious disease known as Celebrity Sickness, I have decided to illustrate my point. Illustrate by telling you how I chose to circumvent The Path of Least Resistance.

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I often wonder why I love Hollywood so much when in the thirteen years I lived and based my home out of there I incessantly desired to leave that place and never return once and forever on a diurnal basis. I mean, I incessantly strived I’ll tell you to leave there just as much as I did to get back there whenever a hiatus, also known as an emotional and mental breakdown, or job took me far and away from there. The funny thing is, when I did leave Hollywood, sometimes for lengthy periods at a time, I would vow never to return again. But when the time did actually come for me to leave Hollywood, I didn’t leave with a bitter taste in my mouth as so many people do. And I often miss the plasticity of the place as it’s a lot easier sometimes to know where you stand with one and all in that sordid city. My meaning being that no one knows you nor wants to know you, so knowing where you stand with everybody is often a comfort should anonymity you want. The fact was, my time there had served its purpose and I had no further use of it. And that’s the way you have to look at it if you one day decide that you just have to go and live there.

 

Think of Hollywood as a large bus depot or airport if you will. You go there for a reason and temporarily resign yourself to the fact that it’s not a destination but just one of many stops on your journey towards your destination. And like all transportation hubs there's always delays and layovers. Sometimes the delay or layover is short, long, or interminable. What’s more is you must remember that for the most part unless your seeking employment or erudition in the Arts and Entertainment world, there’s not much more for you to do there except deceive, delude, and pollute yourself.

 

Excluding all those who go back running to their mommy’s teat after six months, usually broken, victimized, and shattered beyond repair, I think it’s safe to say that’s what many people go there for. At least in the sense that it serves my story’s purpose so believe it. That’s what it was for me in any event. But what many of us now know by experience, you may not know that your ultimate destination requires you travel on another road much more exhausting than easily manageable. It is one that is far removed from The Path of Least Resistance. And should you get lost along the way, only you can navigate yourself back home.  

 

Taking all this into consideration and remembering that I promised not to rant and rave, I’m going to tell you something you need to know about The Path of Least Resistance since you’re on it. Now, now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, what can he possibly know about the road I’m on. To be honest with you I don’t. But what I do know is that everything I know and have learned has come from traveling that other path you know nothing about. And by the nature of having traveled this road I now know everything this road is not and what you’re chosen path is. Therefore giving me a clear and precise understanding of what The Path of Least Resistance isn’t in comparison. Have I lost you yet? Yes! Good. Guess what else? I’m going to tell you about all the people you know but who I don’t. Now you’re really lost right! Well that should be second nature to you now anyway so fear not. Whether you want to hear it or not you’re screwed because I'm going to tell you anyway.

 

I’ll bet mommy and daddy, presuming you were one of the lucky ones who wasn’t a victim of their divorce as so many statistics suggest otherwise, told you that you were special your whole life. Rescuing you at any point fear and frustration threatened your safe little world where you were told you could be anything you wanted someday if you only believed in yourself and mommy’s promise to overprotect you. So to now acerbate me and the world, you now think you’re going to be famous someday. These being the traumatizing effects of her sheltering you, and your subsequent belief that you’re special that only serve to further disconnect you from the world and your fragile emotions. Or are you one of those who already thinks you’re famous thereby unconsciously justifying yourself to us every time you make a complete ass out of yourself on American Idol or The Bachelor by demanding attention and admiration. Well, your parents were right. Your a special kind of pathetic emotional midget who stalled somewhere between your tweens and preteens. I'm being too hard on you right. Sorry. Get used to it! Oh damn my bad! I forgot that nobody talks to you like that because you’re the most talented, beautiful, charismatic, and entitled person on the planet. What! Wait a minute! What are you good at by the way? You have no skills, you have no talent that you’ve honed and crafted each and every day. You have no intellectual or emotional substance to speak of. And you have no right to entitlement that you think you do! So why should we indulge your whim of grandiosity. Please tell me or I’ll be forced to make an assumption which is just as ignorant of me making a judgment about you. So why do you deserve to be famous? Is it because you have a cool profile with fourteen hundred friends on it who you have never met much less care about? Or is it because have a stage name like Rebellious Roxy or Tammy Tampax who shows us all her pubescent and bulimic pictures of herself in all her brand name clothes. Boy! This is going to be harder than I thought! How can I put this! Explaining this to you may hurt so prepare yourself.

 

You’re a nobody my dear! Repeat it with me…you’re a nobody like me and that guy over there, like John Doe and your best friend. And other than being an actor, Brad Pitt isn’t anybody special either my Dear. Really, again I say with the utmost honesty and without an ulterior motive of dissuading your aggression for me. By all means I’m a nobody and I know it. That’s exactly what I like about it. I’m but a person on this earth with all the frailties and flaws of a human being. Can you understand that about me? More importantly, can you understand that about yourself? I’m not trying to use reverse psychology on you. I’m just trying to be honest with you. Mommy just told you that you were special to shut you up because you demanded her constant attention. But luckily for you, I’m here to tell you this so when you meet people like me in the real world their total lack of interest and admiration of you won't shock you.

 

Truth is you're weak! And you’ll always be from what I can see. Truth is you’re deceiving yourself with this false image you’ve created of yourself because you don’t know how to deal with your all your shortcomings and ineptitude healthily. Mommy and daddy never took the time to parent you. And if they did, they neglected you, overprotected you, or indulged your every tantrum. That’s why the rest of us have to suffer when you’re around us or every time you come out of your home. The truth is you’ve tried to fill that hole of yours that’s running right through the middle of you with these ideas of celebrity and grandiosity. Hence, you’ve acquired Celebrity Sickness. But what’s of greater importance is how are you going to get well?

 

Those overprotective parents I was just talking about who shielded you from dealing with your frustrations and working out your failures didn’t seem to tell you how ashamed they were of you. They, being the highly successful, Baby Booming, ambitious hippies who invented trophies for coming in last place so you wouldn’t be upset at your lack of fulfilling their dreams. Of not being able to compensate and overcome everything they couldn’t be. Everything they wanted you to be! Nor did they ever obviously teach you anything about respect or how to gain a little dignity for yourself. But don't worry you have me to inform you now like I said.

 

Has it ever occurred to you how weak and lazy you are? How have you come to think the world is your stage and you’re entitled to it at that! Who’s going to help me with this monumental task of helping me convince you that there’s no one out here in your imaginary audience called the world who owes you anything. Where no one cares anything about you other than what they can exploit from you. How are you going to understand this I ask you? Well, by first understanding that I, those people next to you, the world, and all your stupid little friends don't owe you anything. Not a damn thing! That's right. How are these words going to reach you when I tell you that if you want something you’re going to have to go out there and work for it! This includes fame.

 

Tell me something, do you think all the celebrities you admire simply started a profile on Gonsayn.com or My Space and every talent scout and director out here in Hollywood saw them and made them into stars overnight like you think they’re going to do to you. Even celebrities, especially celebrities, had to hone and polish their craft for years. They sought fame, wealth, and power not by not working and dreaming about it while they cried themselves to sleep like you do but by working at it for years, and years, and years. I’ll most definitely give them that, as they’ve had sacrifice their self respect, their families, and themselves in the process. Unlike you who just think it’s all going to be handed to you because you’re entitled to it. Because mommy and daddy told you that you had star quality. What’s more, clothes and cool phones don’t make the man or the woman. I’m afraid to tell you that you’re not as talented, or cool, or hot as you may think either. The reason Mommy told you that you were was so she didn't hurt your feelings in order not to deal with them. She had her own problems. And what's more is you'll never be like the celebrities you’re obsessed with because you're not one. And if you knew better you’d wish you never became like one of them either. You can tell me to go to hell or that I don’t know what I’m talking about but that won't change a damn thing. They’re just more f-ed up and sexually deviant, addicted, lonely, self loathing, and pathetic than you are. But maybe you do have something in common with them after all. Who knew!

 

Once again though, I just happen to know what you, me, and they all need. We need to find out what it’s like to feel human again. What it’s like not to feel we’re all perfect. What we need to build is some self esteem in our lives. We need to believe in ourselves as my friend Blake imposes on everyone when he explains to me and others what some self worth can give our lives when we earn it. A little more meaning he says at the very least. We need to tell ourselves we’re loved and needed. And we need to put some more necessity in building and forging meaningful and purposeful relationships with each other instead of envying each other. That we do have a purpose here even if some of us don’t know yet what that purpose is. Do you know what else we need? We need to go out everyday and work till our fingers bleed and our bones ache and we need to do it for ourselves. We need to stop taking The Path of Least Resistance. We have to stop being afraid to take chances. We need to engage and harness our self discipline and self control. And if all else fails we need to know that it’s okay to fail. It’s okay to fail by the very standards and expectations we give ourselves.

 

By choosing The Path Less Traveled we force ourselves to rely on our selves and only on our self. When we do this there's no greater feeling of triumph and achievement. It really is better than sex. It builds conviction, strength, fortitude, rectitude. And it builds the Character we need so as not to go and want to live out the characters others portray in movies. The character we don’t have therein relying on entertainment to make our lives a little more tolerable to ourselves. It builds the stuff we can't buy when we go out to buy the celebrity perfumes we all think will make us smell like a celebrity. Truth is they smell rancid. They smell of fear. And should I or any other animal that roams these streets smell that fear on you were going to eat you up. Believe me when I tell you. Were going to eat you, abuse you, exploit you, and burp you out of us when were surfeit. Is that what you want? You want to be a victim! If it is, then just keep looking at your pathetic reflection in the mirror and thinking you’re more than you are. Ultimately, at least the reflection you’re staring at in the mirror will always love that narcissism in you that we loathe. Trust in these prophetic words as I predict your ruin on alcohol, drugs, abuse, and suicidal emptiness. All because you choose to take The Path of Least Resistance! I know I generalize and spew a lot of self righteous rhetoric, but cut me some slack will you. After all, I’m trying to help these kids since I can’t help myself.

 

It’s not for me to tell you how you to live your life. You and I both have every right to live it as we see fit and choose. However, as someone pointed out to me somewhere along the way across that burning bridge of loss I was once on, there’s so much more to life than just wanting to be cool and live in a world of paper ghosts and rotten reflections. There’s life to be lived and at the end of your story there’s no part two to the movie. When it’s all said and done, you only get one chance at it. Take your best shot and I don’t mean a photo of yourself posing in an imaginary world of celebrity delusion and affectation. Do it for yourself first, then for the millions if that’s going to be the way you want it. As long as you do it and get off The Path of Least Resistance. Yes it’s hard to take that other path, very hard. It obviously requires hard work, effort, sacrifice, forgiveness, learning, failure, set backs, and frustration, as well as the reinvestment of all the integrity, honesty, sincerity, and empathy that comes as a result of it. But then it wouldn’t be worth it would it! If it were that easy to consistently never waiver off this stringent path! And no matter what you may think of The Path of Least Resistance, which is by nature the path you take to achieve some end by expending the least amount of effort and energy, it’s infinitely harder these days to stay off that road than any other road you have to choose from. Remember that next time you don’t give it your all while you wonder why you’re not getting what you so adamantly believe you deserve. Ohh, and don’t forget to inoculate yourself!
 
 


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