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nor can they dispossess their early forged constructs or their superego’s responsibilities in exchange for a brief return to an instinctual and selfish infantile like state
“…a thirst parched from this well shall reveal thee whence my moonstruck madness derived.”
There are many of you like myself who have spent so much time on the road due to work, ambition, refusal to face the real world, cowardice, or lack of direction that the only evidence one need to prove this are by the sanguineous scars of travel on your feet and the lines of hell and heartache on your face. Those lines that read like old maps for those of us who once used them to escape, run, and hide from life and everything that encapsulates the responsibility we all have to ourselves to be…ahh that magical word, happy!
We do this all the while trying to justify those blatant lies we convinced ourselves would one day lead us closer to the truth and meaning we’ve been searching for in our life. Or in continuous exploration for that true love we all hope to find. Be it on that road or at home we don’t really care do we as long as we find it in order to fill the emptiness in our hearts. And yet despite all this I have always seemed to arrive at a familiar destination that vesper promises me by partaking in that nightly custom of searching for meaning in heavy soaked memories of bottled acrimony. Only for me to awake and discover that we’re now more alone than before. And if by chance we’re lucky once in a while to meet someone desiring of that same forgetfulness, so too does your equal in search wake up next to you as well. You just can’t remember her name is all! As it were, it was here next to a woman on a lonely meaningless morning in a forgotten town where I learned the closest thing to truth I’m surely ever going to discover. And it was out there long ago that I remember hearing the leaves of my past stop blowing long enough for me to hear the sound of my own Hamartia. Only for it to change my life!
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I should apologize to for being so ambiguously vague. If I can’t help but be vaguer than I already have been, let me then say I have no way of eloquently articulating this as it is so primal and increate in its design for me. But that I’ve experienced it, as some of you surely have as well, is the only way to lend an explanation. By familiarity of that place I mean. Though I’m certain each and every one of you will no doubt understand this, only few of you will ever truly attain this bliss I am now to speak of. The reason being, not everybody is capable of allowing themselves the momentary dispossession of their reason. Nor can they dispossess their early forged constructs or their superego’s responsibilities in exchange for a brief return to an instinctual and selfish infantile like state. And only in this state do one’s heritable predilections to gratify those impulses and desires deliver you to this phenomenon.
This sounds ridiculous I know but I like to use abstruse and turgid words to disguise the fact that I really don’t know what I’m talking about. What’s more is everything that mandates a person to abandon all his intellectual capacities and reasoning for the purely irrational and unconscious gratification of your most primal impulses and desires is at the same time pseudo-quixotic and frightening. Especially so if your desires and drives be purely sexual! For many a person is lost amidst this sexual and purely selfish abandon. If only the rest of them knew what they were missing!
Indeed, not everybody understands that to fully comprehend and grasp the subtle complexities of the one night stand so as to arrive at the very real and tangible paradigm of unconditional love and euphoric bliss, takes discipline to abandon the desire and reason every one of us has to possess it after it’s over. And for good reason most would say. To try to possess the feelings and raw emotions of that sexually charged exchange by worldly logic or other cognitive processes is to insure the impossibility of it remaining pure. Because if you try to break it down and continue a one night stand after it has come to fruition (no pun intended), you risk its corruption. Because no matter how galvanizing the connection and exchange of orgasms was, should you try to retain it using these processes only precipitates the return right back to everything you have been taught to deny in yourself and at the same time believe by the world.
Not to retrace my steps, let me put it to you another way. For those of you whose profession demand travel, or life on the road and away from home, you have no doubt spent many a night like me in a caliginous city. Wishing only to either be home or have a home somewhere, anywhere, as long as it included the purity of unconditional love with someone, anyone. Equally poignant are those who, like us, seek the same we do as every now and again we find each other in the reflected wreckage of our mile worn lives. In these moments of longing to just forget as if on a palliating nepenthe, we often find solace in the mere concupiscence of the one night stand. In the mere bliss of forgetfulness! But it’s what the one night stand reveals and allows us that bring us closer to our only chance at ever experiencing true and unconditional love. And this is the truth whether you know it or not.
Does this again sound absurd to you? You’ll get used to it after a while, I promise. Sooner or later, you will someday have to come to terms with the idea that unconditional and pure love does not exist except in the realm of the one night stand! It’s true whether your ideologies and beliefs can come to terms with this truth or not. For true and unconditional, eternal, untarnished, and unadulterated love without conditions upon it only exists in the temporary and evanescent solace and refuge of another’s unknown arms. Not so much in what it reveals to us, rather, in the promise of temporarily finding all that eludes us without sacrificing ourselves to any further demands or exchange of boundaries with that other person.
It’s important that you thoroughly understand that only by allowing ourselves these finite moments of detached concupiscence and primal desire will the illusion of pure and devoted love and the ability to possess it be possible. It is also where true and unconditional love in its most animalistic and archaically primal form reveals itself to you. It’s where true love and the euphoria of it become possible in your life for the very first time. For it doesn’t exist save in this light. No matter how hard you may try to convince yourself otherwise, it’s only possible thru the fleeting experience of the one night stand. You should also know that as soon as you put a condition, a commitment, a value, a boundary, or a destination on it; it’s allover. It disappears as fast as the sound of a lover’s stolen whisper.
The reason the one night stand is bound so close to nirvana is due to its unconscious effort to rationalize the conscious perfection of gratification. The achievement of worldly and personal abandon at that moment without compunction! The idea that in exchange for this you thereby owe no one anything save the pleasure you yourself derive at that moment. It’s the way it makes you feel that leads to the purely physical and emotional bliss that is stripped of all worldly demands life puts on you. Devoid of any and all expectations you and others puts upon you, them, and “it” as well. The one night stand dissuades your own thoughts and actions of wanting to perpetuate this moment, this bliss, these forbiddances when again in the real world. No matter how much you try, insist, demand, or inveigle to continue it after it’s over or give it meaning, you mustn’t. And the reason that moment is so perfect in design and origin is because none of the other things that really factor into the real world, your world, are present at that moment. The idea of a relationship or other interpersonal limitations and all that it implies is irrelevant and unimportant. It’s this that truly allows you to capture and enjoy the momentary possession of another’s desire without fear of repercussions, and without guilt or inhibition. Without it imploding on you! So you can totally enjoy a person’s body and that connection without the interference of reality.
And now, my psychopathologies truly reveal themselves to you. If you think about it, it’s as close to unconditional love and perfection as you’ll ever get. Now, I know this sounds cowardly and irresponsible but bear with me because I’m making it up as I go. By virtue of you not ascribing any limitations prepense or conditions on it, the one night stand and all its possibilities become chrystalline, genuine, and without motive. It’s so primal and animalistic that as soon as you try to put human conditions and values on it, demands and restrictions on it, you fail. Didn’t I already say this?
When you consider that there are no factors involved such as kids, responsibilities (other than safe sex), financial worries, issues of fidelity and faithfulness, stress, jealousies, insecurities, or logistics involved, the phenomenon becomes possible. Since there are no emotional requirements or other obligatory payments to be made to each other by either of you, like in a real relationship, there’s no future expectations demanded of both of you other than parting ways when it’s over. It’s the only moment the both of you will ever be perfectly equal. It’s the only time yours or her shortcomings, inadequacies, selfishness, greed, immoralities, lack of ethics and values, laziness, or any other undesirable flaws, annoyances, or idiosyncrasies won’t matter. With that said, there will be no reason for caviling, censure, rebuke, or resentment. All character traits or flaws will cease to exist as you both chase the perfection of that libertarian moment. All and every impulse other than seeking to either gratify those libidinal urges becomes irrelevant. The only thing that matters at that moment is the purely animalistic and magnetic attraction you both have to that other person under this carnal commitment. And as such, no previous conditions or promises implied are expressed. No questions about the past or future will matter. As long as you live in that perfect moment, true and perfect euphoric love is possible.
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In order to allow a one night stand to fulfill your deepest desires you must first concretely resign yourself to the fact that it will end. It has to! In order for it to take you where you want it to take you, you must walk away from it when it’s over. No matter how possible it seems to both of you to continue! No matter how deluded you may have become due to that lustful exchange of spit and bodily fluids. No matter how plausible, forgiving, or accepting you both argue you can be, in assuming this brief carnage can continue, the need for closure becomes all the more imperative. It’s in this closure where the understanding of its blissful purity will reveal itself to you. That’s what makes it chrystalline and perfect. The fact that nothing can ever break it is supported by you not seeking to pursue it after it’s done on Monday morning. In the end, the hopes of having those few moments live beyond that night invariably alienates you as much from them as they from you. I hope you understand this so as to achieve what I’ve since been able to. In the end, there’s nothing more beautiful and euphoric than a one night stand. It’s the true love we all seek out there in the world. And I hope you find this love as well, even if my limited understanding of it belies probability and possibility.